Who’s the most annoying woman in hollywood?
“I don’t think you can aspire to the Hollywood ‘look’ and nor can I”
Why the veneers, ‘real’ breasts and immovable face then?
“Now I only speak Russian with the woman who does my bikini wax. See what Hollywood does to you?”
We get it Kate, you’re multilingual, but at the same time gracious enough to talk to the hired help.
“It still amazes me that people actually watching me with a gun, didn’t just burst out laughing! I can’t even play ping-pong, but it turns out that I’m good with weapons.”
Oh, you dainty little thing! What were they thinking casting little ol’ you in an action flick, eh?
“We were on holiday and Van Helsing was on pay per view and [my daughter] Lily was like, ‘No, no! No, no!’ She likes Some Like It Hot – that’s her favourite movie.”
Don’t lie, she likes Hannah Montana like every other nine-year old.
“I don’t understand how anyone has any fun if they’re married to someone from their own culture, because we have an amount of ridiculous fun teasing each other. We gang up on [Len] with our English accents, and make him eat Marmite and things.”
Life must be a hoot for American hubby Len Wiseman, living with that keraaazy English wife of his!
“I’ve been very lucky to have two marvellous men in [husband] Len and [ex- husband] Michael. They’ve got no awkward feelings about parenting Lily and working things out. It’s so sad when adults can’t find it in themselves to get along for the sake of a child.”
And it’s so patronising when celebs lord it over the rest of us…
“She gave me nipple covers. You don’t want your little peas sticking out, do you?”
Whatever would your ‘little peas’ do without your new LA bestie, Victoria Beckham?
“I feel like a giant. I’ve always felt a clunky girl. I could ski home on my feet.”
Gosh, it must be embarrassing hauling that massive size two figure around LA, sweetie.
“I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and in the bedroom, but you can always order the food in.”
Modest to the core, Kate’s not-so- subtle way of saying she’s a lurve goddess.
“The great part of being a celebrity is to take everybody else with you on that ride”
Is there no end to this woman’s selflessness?
“I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer, so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one.”
Size one? You total heifer!
“[Husband] Tony cut my hair. He did. Ken Davis fixed it, but Tony had wanted me to cut my hair and so Ken Davis, my hairdresser, came over and set it up for Tony and said, ‘You do the first cut, because I don’t want her to be mad at me if she hates it!’ So Tony cut, like, half of it, and then Kenny fixed it.”
What was Tony’s next treat? Was he allowed to sweep up your precious mystical locks from the floor as well?
“The great thing is that I can eat what I want. I love spaghetti with meatballs.”
We hate you.
“Johnny Depp. He is breathtaking. When I saw him with that French woman, I could not speak.”
We can only assume “that French woman” is Johnny’s long-term love, Vanessa Paradis. Jealous much, Eva?
“I grew up on a ranch. It was very quiet, and the nearest town was 20 minutes away. I think when the time comes, I would like to move back to Texas and raise my family on a ranch.”
Of course you’ll quit the limelight…
“Everybody knows Desperate Housewives; let’s recognise the people that you may not know on certain shows.”
Eva was just thinking of the little people, when she asked not to be considered for an Alma Award.
“I loved it. And I still love them. They are an amazing organisation. I still keep in touch with my manager from when I was 14.”
Eva’s sooo unaffected by showbiz, she still visits the staff back at Wendy’s burger bar in Texas. Right.
“I’m a 1950s housewife. I love baking. I love sewing, being home with Tony. My mother was like that. Always took care of her husband. I always admired and wanted to do that.”
Look how down to earth I am as well as having a huge Hollywood career. Love, envy and worship me, mortals!