As the decades have rolled by, Madonna has adapted her image and music to make sure she's constantly ‘down with the kidz' and it seems her love life is getting some of the same treatment.
While Jesus Luz steps firmly into Anna-Nicole territory, creepy cougar Madge has been boasting of her love of cradle-snatching.
The 300-year-old, mum-of-four says she's proud to be dating a man who is 28 years- yes folks, almost three decades - her junior and loves her new ‘cougar' title.
'I love that phrase,' she gushes. 'I just learned it the other day'.
But fear not, the bionic woman does have some standards and draws the line at certain infantile aspects of the younger man.
In more vomit-inducing ramblings, the 51-year-old muscle machine chuckles: "They have to be old enough to dress themselves."
Right, so that rules out eight and below. Phew.
Despite being the same age as her Brazilian beau's granny - and a whole 15 years younger than his mother - the middle-aged Material Girl says she had to go Kindergarten shopping because men her own age just don't cut the immaturity mustard.
"There's something to be said for younger people - they tend to be more adventurous and aren't set in their ways.
"I mean, have you met guys my age? Usually they are married or divorced and grumpy, fat and balding," she grumbles.
Ok, so thanks to her obsessive exercise routine and tousled locks, the latter two complaints don't extend to her, but even Madge has to concede that with two divorces behind her and an Ice Queen reputation on her side, she's definitely suffering from a dose of the pots and kettles.