86th Annual Academy Awards - Show

Oscars 2014: Ellen DeGeneres' Top 10 Best Jokes

03 Mar 2014

Check out the best bits from Ellen DeGeneres' 2014 Oscars monologue

Ordering pizza on the Oscars stage and dishing out some top jokes, it was all in a day's work for Ellen DeGeneres as the host of the 86th Academy Awards. Here's what made us laugh out loud!  

On the Rain
“For those of you watching around the world, it’s been a tough couple of days for us. It has been raining. We’re fine. Thank you for your prayers.”

First-time Nominees
"Lupita Nyong’o is here. She is from Kenya. She is a Kenyan. Barkhad Abdi from Captain Phillips is here. He is nominated. He is from Somalia. He is a sommelier. So he knows a lot about vino. Who’s the vino captain now?!"

Who'll Win?
"Anything could happen tonight! So many possibilities! Possibility number one, 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture. Possibility number two, you're all racists. And now, please welcome our first white presenter Anne Hathaway."

Oscar Winners
“I think you should think of yourselves as winners. Not all of you, but the people who have won before should think of themselves as winners."

The Hollywood Family
“I’m not saying movies are the most important thing in the world, because we all know the most important thing in the world is youth. But really, we know that the most important thing in life is love and friendship and family. And if people don’t have those things, they usually get into show business. We are all one big, frightened family.”

Jennifer Lawrence (who tripped last year and stumbled on a parking cone on the way to this year’s show)
"Jennifer, by the way, I am not going to bring up what happened last year, when you were...It's ridiculous, I mean, something like that happens and it's embarrassing and people just talk about it and it's just, you know. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, last year, she fell on the way up. Tripped. I don't know if she got caught on the dress. Let's just show the clip. I'm kidding, I'm not going to show the clip. I'm kidding, I am. I'm not. And you know the thing where you fell out of the car tonight? No one needs to know that, I'm not going to mention that. She fell, on the way out of the car. Like on an orange cone you tripped or something. If you win tonight, I think we should bring you the Oscar."

Jared Leto

Win or lose, you all look beautiful tonight. Sandy, you look beautiful And Cate, you lookeverybody looks beautiful. I’m not going to say who looks the most beautiful, but it’s clear: It’s Jared Leto.”

Meryl Streep
"One of the nominees is her. And by ‘her’ I mean Meryl Streep. Meryl has been nominated for an Oscar a total of 18 times. It sounds good, but if you do the math, between dresses, hair, and makeup… Meryl can’t afford to be nominated again. That’s a lot of money.”

June Squibb
"June Squibb is nominated for Nebraska. At 84 she is the oldest nominee. She was wonderful in Nebraska. (Addressing Squibb) I’M TELLING EVERYONE YOU WERE WONDERFUL IN NEBRASKA.”