Note to Liz Hurley: Random beef products are not glamorous. Or sexy.

10 Nov 2009

Aah, how we love a ridiculous celebrity product. And this week, the wholly pointless talent vacuum Liz Hurley has made us laugh out loud with the launch of her very own brand of ‘Beef Jerky’.

Made on her organic farm in Gloucestershire, the white-jeaned one says that her meaty masterpiece is a ‘guilt free snack’ and claims that this cow-packed treat is the very thing that keeps her so slim and gorgeous.

Now as celebrity products go, ordinarily, the glamour element scores pretty high. Perfumes, underwear, jewellery – ignore Paul Newman’s salad dressing as a glitch – usually mirrors the personality and unique selling point of the star in question.
We’re thinking Elle Macpherson’s underwear line, Posh’s ridiculously sucessful collection of dresses, Paris Hilton’s perfume empire, bla bla bla. So Liz’s ‘I’m so sexy and fabulous and woe betide anyone who tries to make me dress in anything other than a evening gown split to the thigh’ choice of personalised product launch leaves us wondering whether she’s started sniffing sheep dip on a regular basis, or has been labotomised by her satanic looking son, Damian, as payback for dressing him like Little Lord Fauntleroy since birth.

Random beef products are not glamorous. Or sexy. Or absurdly Posh, as Liz would have us believe she is.

Surely, if Liz wishes us to believe that her organic farm is a haven of bucolic delights, and a reflection of her undiscovered royalty/goddess status, she should be producing exquisite jewellery made from the crushed egg shells of opera singing doves, or snoods fashioned from the wool of marvellously attractive lambs, snagged on the thorns of rose bushes tended to by Armani models.

And while yes, her ‘sexy, slimline snack’ may be the rather preposterous price of 15Dhs per stick, which obviously puts it into the ‘luxury snack’ bracket, the fact remains that inside that wrapper is a piece of processed dried meat. Which, if we put the concept of ‘celebrity product endorsement mirroring their USP’ would suggest that Liz is little more than an overpaid, wizened old cow who smells like dog food.

Maybe a rethink is in order Liz, eh?