The latest housewife craze
“Well, I guess it would be nice,” George Michael once postulated. “If I could touch your body, I know not everybody has got a body like you…” Ahhh, those were the days, back in the 80s when all anyone wanted to do was touch a body – with permission, of course! – as opposed to want to actually wear someone else’s. Fast forward into a new millennium and a new decade and it seems that we’re no longer content to simply admire starved-to-within-an-inch-of-their-lives bods from the glossy pages of a mag anymore, now we want to actually own those impossible figures for ourselves.
News from America is that Fergie is the latest bod we all want, with plastic surgeons Stateside saying that it’s a picture of the Black Eyed Peas star that most of their clients come in clutching, before demanding, “Make me look like that!” In second place is Gisele Bundchen, presumably because all it takes is a few scalpel incisions and a spot of lipo to turn your average New Jersey housewife into a Brazilian supermodel. And in third place, delectable House star Olivia Wilde has been unwittingly leading impressionable women, for whom a stint on the psychiatrist’s couch would be a better investment, into believing that if they too looked like her, then they’d also make Megan Fox want to strangle a mountain ox with her bare hands.
Really, ladies, I’m not saying we should all grow armpit hair, stop Jolene-ing our ‘taches and gain 40kgs, but how about working with the tools you got given, instead of mentally pasting your head on Ms Bundchen’s body and facing up to even more disappointment when you come round off your anesthetic and realise that Dolce Gabbana aren’t on the phone wanting to sign you as their new face?