Ahlan! Loves: How Low Speidi Have Sunk

25 Nov 2009
By Ahlanlive.com

When they’re not making offers no celeb in their right mind could refuse...

Why? When they’re not making offers no celeb in their right mind could refuse – “Consider this your formal invitation, Brangelina! Let’s hang out sometime” – Heidi and Spencer are draaaaaging out their last dying gasps of fame in any way they can. And, in many ways, you have to respect the depths of D-list doucheness this rancid pair are willing to stoop to in order to take their 15 minutes down to the final millisecond.

In their first book, How To Be Famous (not to be confused with other literary works such as War Peace or Pride Prejudice), the pair share pearls of wisdom in chapters entitled ‘Pretty on the outside’ and ‘The paps are your friends’; and define their raison d’etre as, “celebrities are there to look hot for the common people. It’s our job.”

Got that, commoners? But just when you think this pair are so far off the planet they’ll need to get the Challenger shuttle home, Spencer breaks through with this ray of sunshine: “If I weren’t me, I’d hate me.” And life suddenly starts to make sense again.