Why? If she didn’t already have a career as a, erm, whatever it is, we’re sure Paris might have been snapped up by the FBI as a special investigator. The heiress is on the case of the pesky jewel thief who snatched millions of dirhams worth of her gems from her LA home – and she wants him to know that she’s on to him.

Firstly, reckons Paris, this wily burglar knew exactly where to look for the loot in her diamond-encrusted mansion. Like, duh!

Secondly, the mystery crim knew his way round her bedroom. “It was someone who has been there before,” deduced Special Agent Hilton. Hmm, that narrows it down to, oh, we don’t know, approximately nine trillion suspects, then. Elementary, my dear Paris.