Why? Mommy's a mutton-dressed-as-lamb party animal. Dad's a born-again Christian jailbird. And big sis is, well, where does one start? But up until recently, all that drama left Ali Lohan as the sweet, freckle-faced reminder of what Linds used to be, happy to wear her knitwear that Bill Cosby would consider bland jumpers, and croon happy clappy Christmas hits for kids.

But then, last week, something weird happened. Either Ali suddenly got a year's supply of CoverGirl extra strength foundation, or she started channelling the style of the tranny-looking one from Pussycat Dolls. And woah! Thirteen-year-old Ali suddenly started looking 47. Another Lohan goes under...