Sugar plums, spaghetti sauce

"Never had a facial? What do you mean you've never had a facial?" She was positively shocked, and I think, slightly disgusted.

"Well... I... just..."

To be honest, I had no excuse whatsoever. My face is my face and quite frankly (and sometimes unfortunately) that's just the way it is. But for Katrina Valente, one of Dubai's top facialists, my face and its exposure to unnatural nasties, like chemical scrubs and own-brand moisturizers, equates to rolling my head into Gordon Ramsey's kitchen, smothering it in lard, deep-frying it for five minutes and rubbing it down with a cheese grater. I've been ruining it, apparently.

Still, it's never too late. Not when you're on the right side of 30 like me, happily. And definitely not when you find yourself in the healing hands of a lady whose twelve years of skin expertise show on her very own friendly face.

Katrina's signature facial and body massage techniques have been honed to perfection and all the stars, from Madonna to Sex and the City's Kim Cattrall are massive fans of the Oxygen Facial - her number one preferred treatment. This star experience features no needles, pain or injections and banishes lines, without making you look like a waxwork from Madam Tussauds, you'll be pleased to know.

Popular too, are the totally organic products in the Eminence line - the one I was due to experience and a massive fave of vampire slayers such as Sarah Michelle Gellar. "These are so natural, you can actually eat them", she tells me, before admitting she's sampled the chocolate scrub herself.

As she began her magic, I was instructed to hold two rose quartz crystals - "for love and harmony, and to balance me out". The smells that started wafting across my nostrils were unbelievable.

I felt a little like one of the kids in Charlie and the Chocolate factory, as they entered a world where the wallpaper is lickable, the lemonade makes you fly and an everlasting gobstopper fills your mouth with a thousand dishes your stomach could never hold and your tastebuds can hardly decipher. It's nowhere near Christmas really, but I had visions of sugar plums dancing through my head as she smothered my face in exactly that - a plum based revitalizing masque. A lemon cleanser had me picturing sorbet. A rosehip and maize exfoliater saw me running through a garden in a big floaty skirt, and a tomato and lycopene mix for combination skin smelt like an Italian grandma cooking spaghetti in a farmhouse kitchen. It was definitely a journey.

Afterwards, my senses were on red alert and as Katrina handed me my very own crystal to take home and keep, she told me my face was glowing! On further inspection, my skin definitely looked better. It felt softer too, and my eyes seemed to shine - and to think it was all at the hands of mother nature. I'd even been dusted with the honey scented ash from a Hungarian volcano - to make my skin sparkle like new. Now that's something the Oompaloompas didn't think of!

Eminence 100% Organic treatments, from Dhs 450

Katrina Valente @ Synergy Medical Centre. Al Wasl Road.
Tel: 04 348 5452 / 050 565 7679