J-Lo using the twins as an excuse

Why? Let’s take stock of J-Lo’s life. Actress (of sorts), singer, producer, fashion designer, perfumier, oh and, according to Forbes, she’s the richest person of Latin American descent in Hollywood. Cripes, you’re right, why she’s barely achieved anything at all!

Cue her latest ambition – to do a triathlon. But, and please let’s make this really clear, she’s not doing it for herself. Ooooh no, she’s doing it to “make the twins proud”.

Whoa! What’s that smell? Did a bull with diarrhoea amble into the room?

“[I was] laid out like a beached whale,” says Jen, going for the new mum sympathy vote, when she caught a triathlon on TV. “I thought, ‘What can I do to make my babies proud?’ I think about what they’ll think about the year they were born – who I was and what I did.”

Not you didn’t! You thought about what you will think of you the year they were born. Don’t drag the innocent twins into this, sweetie!