Why? Planning on starting a family with your hubby anytime soon? Really, don't bother. The birth won't be as perfect as Angelina's, you won't be as "happy" as the uber-couple, he definitely won't be as "calm" and "determined" as Brad and, well, if you're not "laughing" all the way through, then, quite frankly, we're reporting you to the Rubbish New Parents Association!

Dr Michel Sussman, who delivered the new Jolie-Pitts, has revealed all about the world's most perfect delivery, and quite frankly it's vom-inducing stuff.

"[Angelina] was awake and speaking and laughing. They were happy," spilled Michel. Ooh, new parents in "happy" shocker! And what of Bradley?

"He was perfectly calm, totally determined." Determined about what? Phoning Jen and going, "Ner, ner, ner, ner, ner."?