Why is jess so Miser-Alba?

Norma no mates
The guest list at her recent nuptials was two peeps long: bride and groom. Could it be that Jess actually had no friends to invite?

Blighted by sickness as a child, she has complained in the past that she was never in school long enough to make friends. And she's so bored and lonely, the actress has been forced to find friends on the Internet, posting a video of herself on ibeatyou.com showing her not blinking for almost seven minutes and challenging Internet nerds to beat her time. How
bored is she?

Cash worries
With reports that Cash cheated on Jess, she's unsure in her relationship. As her pregnancy raises her anxiety levels, some suggest she marched Cash down the aisle to create a sense of security. Now they're man and wife, she's adamant she's going to keep the movie producer under her watchful eye: "I wouldn't mind doing something with Cash.

He's incredibly smart and very business-savvy. I think him being part of anything means it's going to be progressive and successful." Plus, that way, you can keep him on a tight leash.

Career crisis
After a series of wooden roles wearing revealing clothes and - in the case of Into The Blue - nothing but a bikini the entire movie, Miser-Alba has the audacity to complain about not being taken seriously as an actress.

"Somehow I don't think this is happening to Natalie Portman," she moans about the bikini babe parts that she's offered. No offence love, but you don't exactly scream ‘character actress.'

Culture clash
Not wanting to be typecast as a Latina actress, one minute Miser-Alba is demanding, "Don't call me Latina", the next she's so proud of her Spanish roots that she's vowed only to speak Spanish at home once her baby arrives - even though she doesn't speak the language. The girl's got issues with her heritage.

Body paranoia
For a woman whose bikini bod is her fortune, Jess hasn't taken kindly to her pregnancy weight gain. Blighted by baby bloat and acne, she was overheard screaming, "I'm ugly and fat!" according to a US tabloid.

The actress - who has gained 15 kilos during pregnancy - is used to surviving on tiny portions to keep her famous figure in shape.

"Before this it was coffee in the morning, yoghurt for lunch, and the only meal was dinner," the actress boasted. No wonder she looks so miserable. Have a donut and stop blubbing!