Why? Imagine you're an orphan in Malawi. Pretty bad, huh? I mean, apart from the whole ‘orphan' aspect to have to deal with, there's the lack of food and education, not to mention Madge popping along every few months to ram her Kabbalah tripe down your throat.

You'd rightly think you had a bit of a raw deal. In fact, you'd probably compare your plight to that of, oooh, say Tom Cruise, wouldn't you?

Well, that's what her Madgesty thinks is a bona fide plight comparison.

"Tom is a good person," insists Madge over his recent Scientology criticism. "He gets a raw deal, just like the orphans in Malawi get a raw deal."

Hmmm, multimillionaire A-list movie star... and orphans. Suddenly we see how bad Tom's had it for all these years!