Either Gisele Bundchen has been dealt the flukiest hand in life, or the Brazilian super is one big fat liar. Not only is she a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model but, according to the new mum, childbirth is no more painful than having one’s golden locks teased into perfectly coiffed curls.

“I did yoga and meditation, so I managed to have a very tranquil birth at home,” she recently dribbled. “It didn't hurt in the slightest. The whole time my mind was focused in each contraction on the thought 'my baby is closer to coming out'.” Read: If your childbirth hurt, it’s because you weren’t properly focused on your baby, who you obviously don’t love, you selfish mortal.

Oh, and she claims to have put on so little weight during the pregnancy that she dodged frumpy maternity gear and wore her usual size zero clothes instead.

“I kept myself in good shape throughout the pregnancy, feeding on a healthy diet, meditating and doing exercises such as yoga and kung-fu," she told Brazilian newspaper Folha de Sao Paulo Veja. "I gained a little, but I kept using almost the same clothes, with minor adjustments to close in the belly.”

Mother Nature, what the heck have we ever done to deserve this she-bot?!