Diva? Moi? Don't be ridiculous? Now hurry up and get me that person who stunt-blinks for me...

As the rest of the world continues tightening their belts, it's a relief to hear that some celebrities have absolutely no intention of letting their nutball standards slip. Case in point? The lovely Mariah Carey.

Her reputation as a diva precedes her, natch. Indeed, when switching on the Christmas lights at London's Westfield shopping centre last week, Mimi wanted 20 white kittens and a flock of white doves in her dressing room, because - well, just because really. 

Obviously, a woman like this is never going to be able to function outside of her bubble of lunacy - and this week, mental Mimi proved that she really is the queen of laughable pointlessness. Despite the fact she appears incapable of wearing anything longer than her pants and less roomy than a wetsuit, Mimi employs a gaggle of flunkies to assist her in the daily trials and tribulations of the notoriously tricky subject of wearing clothes. Because it's just such an ordeal, right?  

Regardless, let's put this into content. This week, Mariah was being interviewed by British daytime TV legend, Lorraine ‘ Have You Lost Weight?' Kelly, for breakfast television show GMTV. Obviously, Mariah has her massive entourage with her in the studio, who in actual fact, outnumbered the entire show crew, and included a man employed solely to walk backwards ahead of the star at all times to ensure she didn't fall over anything, and an assistant to carry her very own personal toilet paper. Quite the role - or should that be roll?- you'd want on your CV.

I digress.

Quite my favourite people on the Team Carey payroll? The two lucky individuals whose job it is to lift Mariah onto sofas and other types of seating to ensure her Lycra dresses don't get creased. Oh, and off again. Honestly. In real life.

 

Understandably, cuddly Miss Kelly (who is rather more ‘centred' than Mimi, and clearly could do with a bit of a pay rise because she has to wrestle with the trauma of lowering her own backside onto those hallowed sofas every morning) was rather astonished by her guest's requirements. Along with her team of ‘profile watches' who were on hand to make sure MC Maniac looked perfect from every angle, and the person who wipes the nose of her llama with a silk handkerchief handspun by French speaking squirrels or something. But while we stare on in wonder at the eccentricities of the barking mad Diva, lets remind ourselves of one simple fact.

Yes, the world may be in the worst economic recession on record. And yes, jobs are about as scarce as a man who'll be faithful to Jennifer Aniston. But at least, good people, there's a woman on the planet who refuses to reduce her personal workforce. And for that, we should praise Mariah Carey - and hope to goodness that if we were, heaven forbid, ever to lose our jobs, we could send our CV's to Madame Bonkers and ask her if she'd give us a job watering her Chihuahua's hanging baskets at his Malibu penthouse, and she's happily oblige us. Or at least one of her entourage would.